Cured of Addiction.

They say that the hardest step with an addiction is to admit you have an addiction.
I admitted i had an addiction.
A wise woman said to me just recently "you need to get this out of your head before you head implodes"  SO I DID.
I wrote about about my addiction. http://leeniesramblings.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/my-addiction-is-you.html and got it out of my head and now have room to realise what a silly fucking addiction it in fact was!
I'm calling it a mid life crisis because maybe that's what it was? To have all these strange feelings for someone so much younger than myself.
Trying to convince someone who has no idea what they even want - that i can look after them and make them happy, make them safe and make them understand what it's like to have someone care for them - was a total nightmare for us both!
It caused anguish and pain for me. It caused frustration for me. It caused anger for her because she didn't want to be cared for. She didn't want to have to reciprocate because she knew it would be too hard for her.

But it wasn't ALL BAD!

We had fun. We had laughs. We shared some very special times. She opened up and let me into her world - something she never often does. I felt privileged and humbled that i could be trusted with so much detail.
I experienced things i had never done before in my life - all through the power of a mobile phone...
I would never have dreamt that i could have so much fun and good times with never even meeting someone face-to-face.

This certainly has been an experience. An experience i will never forget. The problem with an addiction is that it overtakes your life and you cannot see beyond it.
I am glad that i am able to break this addiction and realise that i can be better. I can do better. And i can live better.
Texting her tonight with final parting words that included "...And now i have room in my head to start and do some new stuff and not worry about... [you]...and that is a good feeling for me. Almost cathartic." "I am being honest with myself" 

We have parted ways. For good. I hope!

LET ANOTHER CHAPTER OF MY LIFE BEGIN...