Friendship is important to me.

I am not happy that two of my favourite twitter friends have come to blows. Over fucking politics! Absurd I say!

They are both dealing with a lot of shit happening in their lives at the minute -which is causing them significant stress. And there are a lot of other factors making them grumpy as well, including work, relationships and how cold it has suddenly become.*

We cannot stop someone speaking their mind on twitter because after all it is a public forum and a free-for-all. And god help up when we do become censored for speaking out about something... within reason.

Tony Abbott and the LNP has caused much grief and stress within the twitter community since September of last year. Yes, some new changes to important policies will turn some peoples lives upside down. And some people will be left alone to continue on with their lives.
I have to say right now that living in the Western Suburbs of Melbourne I tend to vote for the ALP but I have also voted for the Marijuana Party and the Democrats, and at the next Federal Election I am considering voting for the PUP because I really find Clive Palmer hilarious and honest!

You cannot criticise the person on twitter because of where they come from or who they voted for. They didn't make Tony Abbott or Chris Pyne or Julie Bishop the politicians they are, nor did they implement the policy. The twitter friend votes the way they do because it is their choice. Their decision. They may regret it or may agree with certain political ways.

BUT THEY ARE NOT TONY ABBOTT. JUST LIKE I WAS NOT JULIA GILLARD.

Twitter allows you to vent whatever you want without the fear of being attacked for it by your friends. I tend to just skip over my friends who are,venting or ranting about how the world is going to come to an end because of Tony Abbott. NO IT ISN'T! THAT IS WHY WE HAVE A SENATE WHO WILL BLOCK CERTAIN BILLS AND MEASURES. IT WILL SORT ITSELF OUT. EVENTUALLY.

If someone you like tweets something that you don't like, ignore it. Move on to the next tweet. Have another sip of wine, change the channel on whatever stupid reality show is on.
DO NOT troll your friend by telling them that they are stupid or an idiot for "blah blah blah". Don't bait them for an interaction. Don't get annoyed with them. LET IT GO! MOVE ON!

Friendship is so much important that an invalid political comment or an angry attack on a politician. As long as the tweet isn't directed at you, about you or a subtweet in your direction - move on.

Soon no one will be talking to any one because of stupid political tweets. I know the law my dad taught me 30 years ago " never let politics, religion or money get in the way of a friendship".

It is just not worth it guys.
Move on and talk about something more productive.
I implore you.

*I made that being cold bit up because I am freezing at the minute!

That's it.
Thanks for reading.

xxxxx

By the way when I said that I wasn't going to publish these blogs, I meant that I am not going to share them with twitter. I am only writing them for me. But if someone happens upon them like I said, so what!

Am sick!

So, it appears that all the exuberant energy I had a week ago was a disguise. I wasn't on my game on Saturday. Sunday I felt terrible. I was grumpy, emotional, tired, unable to concentrate. But managed to do the dishes and get some gardening done, and had a refreshing shower. Monday morning arrives and I sure as hell know that I am very sick.
FUCKING ALLERGIES!!!
I have a bacterial infection in my nose. And feel like I want to crawl away and die. This is a bad one I tell mumma. I can see that you're not looking all that well. She says. Better leave me alone I warn her.*
I drag myself out to the shops to pay bills and buy some DVDs and other stuff - all the while not making sense to anyone, being disoriented and hungry!
I sweat through my clothing and sit in my car to have food at 5pm.
I arrive home and just crumble. Am in bed by 8pm and mumma has me in tears by midnight!

Today was a quiet time for me till mumma woke up and started on me with the I don't understand bullshit.

I totally lost my shit and had a demoralising breakdown where I just shed tears. And felt really vulnerable.
I hate feeling like this. And know that there is nothing I can do except wait for the infection to leave my body. (Am immune to antibiotics for it now).

It is a bad one this time around. I haven't had an infection for a while. This one is fucking with my mind and awful lot more than usual.
The good thing is I am aware of it. And this is the first time I am writing about it also. I must be strong and not let it beat me to the ground.

*Mumma didn't listen. :'(

So I have also decided not to publish any of these but if someone happens to come across this, well hello to you. I don't want to be judged or pitied so I don't want any comments to be left. I don't even remember if I have that option working?

I just want to be able to write how I feel and get all the stuff that I have in my head out.

No editing except for typos if I see them.

I also noticed that is nearly twelve months since my last blog. And that was about Alicia but I will not be reading it nor will I delete it.
She is not quite out of my life because it is a very weird pull that she has on me but I finally deleted the 13 months worth of text messages that I kept on my phone. It took a few days to convince myself that I had done the right thing. My phone actually feels lighter now! Lol
I tweeted her that I did it and she was a tad surprised that I told her that I am now free from her but to take care of herself.
She bloody text me a few days later to say that she fell over and hurt herself and wished I hadn't told her to take care of herself. She liked though. I didn't reply back.
I still occasionally check her tweets because I have to. This is the pull she has over me.

I am hoping that this will be the last time I need to write about Alicia.


I am writing these blogs on my tablet and I am finding it quite easy to type out -especially with the autocorrect and preemptive strike - no - next word suggestion. <---- see what I did there? Lol

Ok. It's 10.30pm and after writing two basic blogs I feel better.
Be back next time...

I have decided to write again on my blog because it will hopefully help me with my stress and anxiety that is getting worse and my depression that I am currently holding at bay because I am in denial of how bad my life actually is at the minute.
Is this a good plan?



I won't know until I try it I guess...

Cured of Addiction.

They say that the hardest step with an addiction is to admit you have an addiction.
I admitted i had an addiction.
A wise woman said to me just recently "you need to get this out of your head before you head implodes"  SO I DID.
I wrote about about my addiction. http://leeniesramblings.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/my-addiction-is-you.html and got it out of my head and now have room to realise what a silly fucking addiction it in fact was!
I'm calling it a mid life crisis because maybe that's what it was? To have all these strange feelings for someone so much younger than myself.
Trying to convince someone who has no idea what they even want - that i can look after them and make them happy, make them safe and make them understand what it's like to have someone care for them - was a total nightmare for us both!
It caused anguish and pain for me. It caused frustration for me. It caused anger for her because she didn't want to be cared for. She didn't want to have to reciprocate because she knew it would be too hard for her.

But it wasn't ALL BAD!

We had fun. We had laughs. We shared some very special times. She opened up and let me into her world - something she never often does. I felt privileged and humbled that i could be trusted with so much detail.
I experienced things i had never done before in my life - all through the power of a mobile phone...
I would never have dreamt that i could have so much fun and good times with never even meeting someone face-to-face.

This certainly has been an experience. An experience i will never forget. The problem with an addiction is that it overtakes your life and you cannot see beyond it.
I am glad that i am able to break this addiction and realise that i can be better. I can do better. And i can live better.
Texting her tonight with final parting words that included "...And now i have room in my head to start and do some new stuff and not worry about... [you]...and that is a good feeling for me. Almost cathartic." "I am being honest with myself" 

We have parted ways. For good. I hope!

LET ANOTHER CHAPTER OF MY LIFE BEGIN...

My Addiction Is You.

You are my drug of addiction. You are my drug of choice. I find myself tempted by you every single day.
What started off as a mild addiction has become a serious addiction. I am aware of my addiction and i try to withdraw from you.
I try to break the cycle of everyday addiction. Sometimes i succeed and sometimes i collapse. I try to go cold turkey but i know i cannot do it.
You have become my addiction and i worry. It has been such a short period of time. 133 days is all. We shared a joke with somebody else and became friends ourselves. What started off as casual became a bit more with temptation which led to this addiction.
I call you my BABY WOLF because you are. In my eyes you are a mere child. You are half my age. My car is nearly as old as you. I DO have t-shirts older than you.
But yet you are my addiction.
Your music influences both impress me yet confuse me. Your taste in music sometimes drives me wild, sometimes drives me crazy.
Your tastes in movies and television shows confuse me. i cannot comprehend the violence and gore you love so much but am slowly understanding it because you are my addiction.
Your love of poetry and your love of classics mesmerise me.
Your love of nature and the sky and the storms impresses me.
Your eyes reveal so much yet reveal so little.
Your mind to me is brilliant yet you have so much to learn and understand about life.
Your shyness amuses me yet frustrates me.
I am beginning to gain your trust. I am beginning to gain your friendship. I am beginning to gain your honesty.
You are my addiction.
Your outlook on life scares me. I so want to change that. I want to be able to show you that it can be different.
I want to be able to take away your fear of the future and show you that there are good people in the world. I want you to realise that i am one of those good people of the world.
You are my addiction.
I want to be able to explain to you that your past is not your future but you need to alter the way you see the present.
it hurts me and i know that you struggle with day to day life - as we all do - as i do because you are my addiction.
We battle each other every day.  Not one day is the same.
We push and pull and push and pull until we think there is no more but there still is.
We play games with each other that we both want to win because we both cannot back down.
We both need and want the control - to control each other - and that is the battle.
That is my battle because you are my addiction.
You make my life happy. You make my life hell because you are my addiction.
And with all addictions i don't know what is going to happen or where i am going to end up or where we are going to end up.
Am i going to sway you over to my side of more than just "friends" so i become your addiction?
I don't know. I cannot make that decision for you. I know you are not ready to decide that either.
So i sit and i wait as i am consumed by you every single day as you are my addiction every day.
My baby wolf.